Pants | Life-Changing Bread

I don't like pants. I don't like to wear pants that cover my calves. Simply do not like the feeling of cloth on my shins, particularly in the less-sensitive spots (voluntarily wearing short pants in single-degree temperatures growing up did that).  Leggings don't count as pants since they're borderline between tights and pants, and I like tights/stockings/knee highs/socks in general.

The temperature has been hovering in the single digits Fahrenheit. I must be getting old because I rolled down my pants to go for a walk on Thursday.


Last week, I was commissioned to make the Life-Changing Loaf of Bread from My New Roots for a friend.

Round 1 turned out awful: tasteless, mooshy, and even the birds didn't like it, apparently (I wasn't around to see the results).

Round 2: Baked oatmeal. I am not impressed. I did, however, successfully substitute hempseeds for sunflower seeds and still produce a cohesive loaf.

I let it soak overnight, and I think everything got a little too wet.

 Round 3:
As the bread did not dry out enough in the loaf pan, I increased the surface area and decreased the soaking time to the minimum 2 hours. By round 3, I had acquired sunflower seeds.

Minus that fillip of part of the bread sticking to the pan when it came time to flip it for the second baking, cohesion and dryness achieved. It's a chewy, toasty, unsweetened granola bar with (kid you not) a shit tonne of fibre.

The Life-Changing Loaf of Bread

Modified from My New Roots

1 1/2 cups GF rolled oats

1 cup sunflower or hemp seeds

1/2 cup ground flax seeds

1/2 cup whole hazelnuts or almonds (or both)

1/2 cup unsweetened coconut shreds

4 tablespoons psyllium seed husks

2 tablespoons chia seeds

1 teaspoon sea salt

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

3 tablespoons coconut oil, melted

2 tablespoons maple syrup

1 tablespoon agave nectar (or more maple syrup, or all agave, or honey, or you get the picture)

Scant 1 1/2 cups water

If you line it with parchment, the parchment would get soaked and leech into your final product. So mix everything in an 8*8-inch glass or metal pan and set aside to soak for 2 hours.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

Bake for 30 minutes. Line a baking sheet with a Silpat or parchment. Remove the bread from the oven. Loosen the edges of the bread with a spatula. Invert prepared baking sheet over bread pan, then invert bread onto sheet. Tap (bang on that shit) bread pan bottom (use a potholder, of course) to loosen the bread.

Return to the oven and bake for another 25-30 minutes or until bread is dry.

Parting shots:

This week's bread commission: 'nana bread head-to-head. From left to right, newcomer Honky-Tonk Banana Bread from Bake and Destroy versus old standby Lower-Fat Banana Bread from Veganomicon.

Snow!

DIY bulletin board: piece of cardboard taped to a padded envelope, tacked into the wall. Yes, those are Skinny Puppy tickets. This, this is punk rock.